英文メールの書き方:添削依頼に返信する

こんなシチュエーション、お仕事でありませんか?

ウェブサイトの文言の添削を依頼されました。一部分だけ、修正をやんわり提案したい。

 

英文メールで「添削依頼に返信する」お手本を動画でチェック!

こちらの動画では、伝えるべきメッセージとニュアンスを書き手が考えているところから、以下の内容のメールを実際に英語で書く様子までをご覧いただけます。

———————

ジャスティン、

めちゃくちゃに赤入れするのを楽しみにしていましたが、残念ながらとても説得力のある文でした。

唯一より良くできそうに思ったところは、うちのサービスに関する部分でした。内容が少し細かくなりすぎてしまっている印象だったので、より簡潔にするとメッセージ全体の効果が増すと思います。変更の提案を添付ファイルに記載しました。

動画の完成を楽しみにしています。

———————

今後の仕事での英語メールの参考になれば幸いです。

【動画内の”CC”ボタンをクリックして英語字幕を表示!】
【過去の動画を見るにはYoutubeページへ!Subscribe!】

0:00:04.609,0:00:09.389
Hello everyone. Welcome to E-mail Picks. I hope everyone's enjoying the spring

0:00:09.389,0:00:14.730
breeze and staying away from pollen. This
morning, my colleague Justin e-mailed me

0:00:14.730,0:00:20.100
asking if I could check a piece of
writing he did. He needs to write up a

0:00:20.100,0:00:24.660
script for a message video our boss is
going to shoot later this week and he

0:00:24.660,0:00:29.429
wanted another person's opinion on
whether the flow of the script was

0:00:29.429,0:00:33.570
convincing or not. So I checked his
writing and it was already very good as

0:00:33.570,0:00:38.219
it was. But reading it over a few times I
noticed there were some parts that could

0:00:38.219,0:00:44.070
be shortened. Simple and short is almost
always better than simple but long. So

0:00:44.070,0:00:48.719
today, I want to reply to Justin and tell
him that I had a look over the script

0:00:48.719,0:00:51.930
and suggest that he shorten some parts
of it.

0:00:51.930,0:00:58.320
So here goes. Hi Justin, I was looking
forward to tearing your script apart but

0:00:58.320,0:01:02.039
unfortunately I thought it was a very
convincing piece of writing. The only

0:01:02.039,0:01:06.210
part that I felt could be made even
better was where you were talking about

0:01:06.210,0:01:10.350
our services. I got the impression this
part was a little too detailed and

0:01:10.350,0:01:14.970
making the explanation for each service
more concise may raise the impact of the

0:01:14.970,0:01:15.470
message as a whole. I noted the suggested change in the attached file.

0:01:15.470,0:01:24.930
Looking forward to seeing the video. Kyota. OK,
so I started the e-mail by joking around

0:01:24.930,0:01:30.450
a little. I pretended that I was going to
put red marks all over Justin's work but

0:01:30.450,0:01:35.759
of course there wasn't a need for that.
And then I softly suggested a change

0:01:35.759,0:01:40.799
in the second paragraph. To do that, I
used phrases like "The only part that I

0:01:40.799,0:01:47.399
felt could be made even better was..." and "I got the impression... blablabla." See,

0:01:47.399,0:01:52.409
it sets the feeling that I am basically
very positive about his work. So there

0:01:52.409,0:01:57.810
you go. An e-mail to reply to a request to
check a document. I wish I can write well

0:01:57.810,0:02:02.490
and as quickly as Justin does. But now,
I'm back to my own tasks. All right, so

0:02:02.490,0:02:07.189
that's it for today. Thank you for
watching. I'll see you next week.

Share

身につけた知識をオンライン英会話で実践してみませんか?
一覧に戻る

関連動画