2018.07.18
英文メールの書き方：建設的批判を述べる
こんなシチュエーション、お仕事でありませんか？
後輩や部下のがんばりに対して労いの言葉をかけつつも、向上すべき点をきちんと伝えたい。
英文メールで「建設的批判を述べる」お手本を動画でチェック！
こちらの動画では、伝えるべきメッセージとニュアンスを書き手が考えているところから、以下の内容のメールを実際に英語で書く様子までをご覧いただけます。
———————
サイモンさん、
ウェブ流入増加に向けた案の共有ありがとうございました。
しかしAd-tiesは昨年効果がないことが実証された施策ですので、今年もう一度行うべきではありません。ブレストの段階ではあんなに面白い案をたくさん出していたのに、このように控えめな企画を提案したことに戸惑っています。
チーム内でサイモンさんのアイディアが抑圧されたのではないかと想像しています。これからはチームを説得したり動機付けたりする力を磨いていくと良いのではと、個人的に思いました。今後サイモンさんが出すようなアイディアが実現されれば、会社として喜ばしいことだと心から思います。
———————
今後の仕事での英語メールの参考になれば幸いです。
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【過去の動画を見るにはYoutubeページへ！Subscribe！】
0:00:04.670,0:00:10.200
Hello everyone! Welcome to E-mail Picks. Say, do you have a mentor or mentee?
0:00:10.200,0:00:16.379
You know, someone you can trust, who gives
you advice is a mentor, and the person
0:00:16.379,0:00:22.140
who receives that support is called a
mentee. I have a mentee - his name is Simon
0:00:22.140,0:00:27.300
and he's been with the marketing
department for about a year now, and he's
0:00:27.300,0:00:32.430
a very intelligent guy. And he has this
this calm ambition, that's what I like
0:00:32.430,0:00:35.969
about him.
Now he learns very fast, so it's really
0:00:35.969,0:00:40.440
exciting to just watch him develop
himself. Now we are currently working on
0:00:40.440,0:00:46.200
increasing web traffic so we want more
people to visit our website, so we asked
0:00:46.200,0:00:50.340
everyone in marketing to have a
brainstorming session to come up with
0:00:50.340,0:00:55.079
some ideas. Simon was of course part of
it and he came up with the most creative
0:00:55.079,0:01:00.960
ideas, and then we split the marketing
people into two teams. We asked each team
0:01:00.960,0:01:06.000
to prepare a proposal and Simon teamed
up with very experienced senior
0:01:06.000,0:01:11.729
employees. On the day of the proposal,
Simon was the presenter, but he presented
0:01:11.729,0:01:17.670
a very unoriginal idea that was
obviously not his. He didn't look happy
0:01:17.670,0:01:22.200
at all during the presentation. So of
course, we're gonna reject Simon's team's
0:01:22.200,0:01:28.350
proposal and as a mentor, I need to give
Simon some constructive criticism. I know
0:01:28.350,0:01:33.930
he knew his idea was better than his
colleagues' but he couldn't persuade them
0:01:33.930,0:01:38.509
to go with his idea, so I need to point
out that he needs to develop his
0:01:38.509,0:01:43.259
communication and interpersonal skills
so that he can make business happen the
0:01:43.259,0:01:48.329
way he thinks is right. But of course,
this needs to be constructive, so I'm
0:01:48.329,0:01:54.030
gonna try to phrase it in a way that
will motivate him. So here goes: Simon,
0:01:54.030,0:01:58.950
thank you for sharing your team's idea
to raise web traffic. However, Ad-ties
0:01:58.950,0:02:02.850
was proven to be ineffective last year
and therefore using it again this year
0:02:02.850,0:02:06.960
should not be an option. I was surprised
to see such a conservative proposal
0:02:06.960,0:02:11.450
after hearing many interesting ideas from you when we were still brainstorming.
0:02:11.450,0:02:15.890
I cannot help but imagine that your ideas
have been suppressed in your team.
0:02:15.890,0:02:20.090
I personally felt that convincing and
motivating your teammates may be an area
0:02:20.090,0:02:23.630
you can work on. I strongly believe the
company will be excited to see your
0:02:23.630,0:02:27.770
original ideas being realized.
Kyota. OK, so I started out in a
0:02:27.770,0:02:33.020
positive tone. I thanked Simon for
presenting his team's proposal, then in
0:02:33.020,0:02:37.520
the next paragraph, I'm basically saying
that the proposal was terrible and that
0:02:37.520,0:02:42.530
I was surprised to not hear Simon's
ideas being reflected at all.
0:02:42.530,0:02:47.330
Then in the last paragraph, I pointed out
the underlying problem that caused this
0:02:47.330,0:02:53.810
major failure, but I phrased it softly. I
wrote: "I personally found that convincing
0:02:53.810,0:02:59.030
and motivating your teammates may be an
area you can work on" and then I tried to
0:02:59.030,0:03:03.709
motivate Simon to work on his persuasion
and leadership skills by writing a
0:03:03.709,0:03:08.600
positive message at the end. I wrote:
"I strongly believe the company will be
0:03:08.600,0:03:13.760
excited to see your original ideas being
realized." So there you go, an e-mail to
0:03:13.760,0:03:18.620
give constructive criticism. So let's see
what Simon will do in response to all this.
0:03:18.800,0:03:23.080
Okay so that's it for today. Thank
you for watching and I'll see you next week.
Hello everyone! Welcome to E-mail Picks. Say, do you have a mentor or mentee?
0:00:10.200,0:00:16.379
You know, someone you can trust, who gives
you advice is a mentor, and the person
0:00:16.379,0:00:22.140
who receives that support is called a
mentee. I have a mentee - his name is Simon
0:00:22.140,0:00:27.300
and he's been with the marketing
department for about a year now, and he's
0:00:27.300,0:00:32.430
a very intelligent guy. And he has this
this calm ambition, that's what I like
0:00:32.430,0:00:35.969
about him.
Now he learns very fast, so it's really
0:00:35.969,0:00:40.440
exciting to just watch him develop
himself. Now we are currently working on
0:00:40.440,0:00:46.200
increasing web traffic so we want more
people to visit our website, so we asked
0:00:46.200,0:00:50.340
everyone in marketing to have a
brainstorming session to come up with
0:00:50.340,0:00:55.079
some ideas. Simon was of course part of
it and he came up with the most creative
0:00:55.079,0:01:00.960
ideas, and then we split the marketing
people into two teams. We asked each team
0:01:00.960,0:01:06.000
to prepare a proposal and Simon teamed
up with very experienced senior
0:01:06.000,0:01:11.729
employees. On the day of the proposal,
Simon was the presenter, but he presented
0:01:11.729,0:01:17.670
a very unoriginal idea that was
obviously not his. He didn't look happy
0:01:17.670,0:01:22.200
at all during the presentation. So of
course, we're gonna reject Simon's team's
0:01:22.200,0:01:28.350
proposal and as a mentor, I need to give
Simon some constructive criticism. I know
0:01:28.350,0:01:33.930
he knew his idea was better than his
colleagues' but he couldn't persuade them
0:01:33.930,0:01:38.509
to go with his idea, so I need to point
out that he needs to develop his
0:01:38.509,0:01:43.259
communication and interpersonal skills
so that he can make business happen the
0:01:43.259,0:01:48.329
way he thinks is right. But of course,
this needs to be constructive, so I'm
0:01:48.329,0:01:54.030
gonna try to phrase it in a way that
will motivate him. So here goes: Simon,
0:01:54.030,0:01:58.950
thank you for sharing your team's idea
to raise web traffic. However, Ad-ties
0:01:58.950,0:02:02.850
was proven to be ineffective last year
and therefore using it again this year
0:02:02.850,0:02:06.960
should not be an option. I was surprised
to see such a conservative proposal
0:02:06.960,0:02:11.450
after hearing many interesting ideas from you when we were still brainstorming.
0:02:11.450,0:02:15.890
I cannot help but imagine that your ideas
have been suppressed in your team.
0:02:15.890,0:02:20.090
I personally felt that convincing and
motivating your teammates may be an area
0:02:20.090,0:02:23.630
you can work on. I strongly believe the
company will be excited to see your
0:02:23.630,0:02:27.770
original ideas being realized.
Kyota. OK, so I started out in a
0:02:27.770,0:02:33.020
positive tone. I thanked Simon for
presenting his team's proposal, then in
0:02:33.020,0:02:37.520
the next paragraph, I'm basically saying
that the proposal was terrible and that
0:02:37.520,0:02:42.530
I was surprised to not hear Simon's
ideas being reflected at all.
0:02:42.530,0:02:47.330
Then in the last paragraph, I pointed out
the underlying problem that caused this
0:02:47.330,0:02:53.810
major failure, but I phrased it softly. I
wrote: "I personally found that convincing
0:02:53.810,0:02:59.030
and motivating your teammates may be an
area you can work on" and then I tried to
0:02:59.030,0:03:03.709
motivate Simon to work on his persuasion
and leadership skills by writing a
0:03:03.709,0:03:08.600
positive message at the end. I wrote:
"I strongly believe the company will be
0:03:08.600,0:03:13.760
excited to see your original ideas being
realized." So there you go, an e-mail to
0:03:13.760,0:03:18.620
give constructive criticism. So let's see
what Simon will do in response to all this.
0:03:18.800,0:03:23.080
Okay so that's it for today. Thank
you for watching and I'll see you next week.
