英文メールの書き方:見つけた改善点について解決案を提案する

こんなシチュエーション、お仕事でありませんか?

効果の薄い施策を見直すために、上長から承認を得たい。

 

英文メールで「見つけた改善点について解決案を提案する」お手本を動画でチェック!

こちらの動画では、伝えるべきメッセージとニュアンスを書き手が考えているところから、以下の内容のメールを実際に英語で書く様子までをご覧いただけます。

———————

ヒカさん、

ウェブサイトのクリックスルー率を見たところ、ほとんどクリックされていないバナーがいくつかありました。サイトの場所を無駄に取っているので、サイトの見易さを向上させるために撤去すべきです。

すぐに取り下げる、もしくはせめて当初の目的を達成するために別の施策を考え始めたいのですが、よろしいでしょうか?

———————

今後の仕事での英語メールの参考になれば幸いです。

【動画内の”CC”ボタンをクリックして英語字幕を表示!】
【過去の動画を見るにはYoutubeページへ!Subscribe!】

0:00:04.520,0:00:09.690
Hello everyone. Welcome to E-mail Picks. So today, I was looking at a set of data I

0:00:09.690,0:00:14.910
just got from the IT department. It's
data on which banners and links on our

0:00:14.910,0:00:20.490
website people actually clicked and how
many times they clicked on them. I found

0:00:20.490,0:00:24.420
out that there were a few banners that
had almost never been clicked. And you

0:00:24.420,0:00:28.939
know how bothersome banners are. They
make your website look too busy,

0:00:28.939,0:00:33.870
unprofessional, and worst of all, they annoy the users. They annoy the visitors

0:00:33.870,0:00:39.300
because they need to try not to click on
them. So I think we should just take down

0:00:39.300,0:00:42.989
all these banners. But of course I
can't do so immediately.

0:00:42.989,0:00:47.399
I'm not in a position to make that call.
So today, I'm going to write to my boss

0:00:47.399,0:00:52.969
to make this suggestion and ask if he's
okay and get approval. So here goes.

0:00:52.969,0:00:58.500
Hi Hika-san, I was looking at the click-through rate data of our website and found that

0:00:58.500,0:01:03.660
some banners are just never clicked. They
take up space and crowd the website. It will

0:01:03.660,0:01:06.960
be best to remove these banners to
improve user friendliness. Do you think

0:01:06.960,0:01:10.320
we can go ahead and do so, or at least
start considering how else to achieve

0:01:10.320,0:01:15.150
the purpose of the current banner? Kyota. OK, so it's my boss I'm writing

0:01:15.150,0:01:19.080
to and we talk with each other pretty
often. So there's no need for a formal

0:01:19.080,0:01:23.790
opening. I explained the problem I found
and a solution for it in the first

0:01:23.790,0:01:29.189
paragraph. In the second part, I'm
basically asking my boss if it's okay to

0:01:29.189,0:01:33.479
just take off the banners. I would like
to remove these as soon as possible

0:01:33.479,0:01:38.640
because they make our website look ugly.
Ugly is not good, especially if it's

0:01:38.640,0:01:41.850
it's not doing anything good in terms of
generating revenue.

0:01:41.850,0:01:46.590
I want his approval to at least start
moving towards removing the banner. So

0:01:46.590,0:01:51.149
this is why I wrote "or at least start
considering how else to achieve the

0:01:51.149,0:01:55.530
purpose of the current banner." So there
you go. An e-mail to suggest a fix for a

0:01:55.530,0:02:02.520
problem I identified. If my boss responds
negatively, I will need to go directly

0:02:02.520,0:02:07.320
to him and persuade him to remove the
banner. But I'm sure he understands. OKK,

0:02:07.320,0:02:10.310
so thank you for watching. that's it for
this week and

0:02:10.310,0:02:12.670
see you next week.

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